So, What Now?

Every year about this time, coincidentally just before the new year, I get into a mode of deep thought and begin to wonder what the hell next year will bring. I’m way beyond the New Year’s resolutions at this point in my life. Aren’t they the same things every year written down and then forgotten about right around that hangover after the Super Bowl?

My assumption is that this is a pretty typical process for many people in life, a little reflection and maybe look for some kind of spark to change something. Yet for me (or maybe you), the crossdresser, it is a bit complicated. This side of my life has been an evolution even up to this point in my life. Keep in mind I’m not not a kid anymore you know. Part of that evolution is checking out what other non-church-approved things are going on that other side since they seem kind of interesting. Let’s not kid ourselves, they definitely are.

I’ve realized more or less, too, that I need to keep evolving in order to be content with who I am as a crossdresser. If you were to tell me ten years ago that I would be shaving all my body hair every couple of weeks and having sexy dress-up romps here or there with other crossdressers, I probably would have quit crossdressing completely right then and there. Oh my god, how could I do such things?!

Yet such things excite me and gives me new meaning to life, especially as a hidden side that only a few select people know. Even the act of dressing up full-on femme gives me such a body high that I can’t describe it… something way beyond sexual arousal and also something I rarely experienced ten year ago. Maybe you can say I’m chasing a feeling and you would probably be right. Seeking pleasure and avoiding pain are the foundation of human beings after all.

Speaking of avoiding pain, crossdressing has always been that warm blanket in times when I’m not having my best days. It’s kind of weird that way in having an inatimate “thing” as more or less my best friend. After all, “it” has always been there for me.

So now, on this day and right this moment, we get to what I consider the proverbial “What now?” Funny thing, I somehow always recall that Pulp Fiction scene where Butch asks Marsellus Wallace “What now?” and Marsellus eventually replies “Oh, that what now.” Well, that “what now” means thinking about what lies ahead of me in my adventures in crossdressing. I mean seriously thinking about it as if it were a life decision… which it actually kind of is.

Here are actually some things I’m considering in the near future, or tomorrow, who knows?

• How can I make myself even more feminine (without hormones or surgery)?
• When will I finally strut around in public as miss me (in daylight + people around)?
• Could I accept having a crossdresser “girlfriend”?
• Could I shift into more roles as a woman, rather than concentrating on looking like one?
• Is that sexy, revealing catsuit on sale yet?

Anyway, these are the kind of things I think about for my non-new-year resolutions as a way to change/spice things up for the upcoming year. After all, being a crossdresser is all about moving forward and leaving the wanking pantyboy persona far behind where it should be.

(My apologies to those wanking pantyboys reading this)

Happy New Year, too. I know it will be one for me!