The author in her bodysuit, miniskirt, tights and heels

I try to be as positive, optimistic and/or fun (sexy too) as I can when writing here. After all, I am usually that way in my day-to-day life. Plus, who needs  a downer of a person in our little corner of the universe where we get to look pretty, smell nice and, not to mention, have cool, sexy womens’ shit to prance around in?

Of course, life is not always the sunshine glistening off of my pantyhose and I (plus maybe a good part of my other crossdressing cohorts) find myself in periods where I just feel… weird. I don’t mean in a strange mood or that I ate something I probably shouldn’t have or even that I’m just not feeling myself today. I mean that I feel like a genuine weirdo and have a sense that everybody in my own personal world thinks that I am too.

About 98.5% of the time, I don’t give a shit about it but, unfortunately, that other 1.5% of the time it kind of gets to me. Keep in mind that my close friends and family have no idea of my alter feminine-esque ego that has been slowly exposing itself bit by bit publicly. I get this impression that they know I am weird but they “just can’t point their finger on it.” Maybe it is better said that I feel like I am thought of as weird but not in a good or flattering way, or at least that is how I perceive it.

So call it my insecurities catching up to me while having a laugh, or maybe the ebb and flow of my emotional being hit its dark side at the moment. Either way, I cross paths with this every now and then, not with a high frequency, but it does happen. I can’t say that it always takes me to a darker place either. Usually I’ll have a wine and catch some action drama on Netflix or just order a pizza for delivery. Then I can get back to my unconscious weirdo mode and get on with my life again, or just go to bed.

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Sheery in her Wolford body and tights
Me in a Wolford Anita bodysuit and Neon 40 tights

It all started that one fateful day maybe fifteen years ago. After scrounging up 30€ and heading down to the department store to finally buy a pair of those shiny tights that I had seen in all of those photos (that I downloaded of course). I remember buying that pair of Wolford Neon 40 in Gobi, running home in excitement and slipping them over my legs. That orgasmic moment was pretty much the beginning of my long love affair for anything Wolford.

Up to that point, I never really even knew of the brand except that the Neon 40 seemed to always be the pantyhose enthusiast’s first choice. Little did I realize it was a luxury brand, though the 30€ price tag on the Neon 40 tights was enough of a clue. Luxury aside, they were the most awesome thing I ever put on my legs, period, and every now and again I would get a new pair in a different shade.

Well, probably around six years ago (and many many pairs of Neon 40 later), I started browsing around their catalog and the bodysuits caught my eye. I remember one being on “sale” for 90€ and thought “What the hell, why not try it?” so I bought it, waited for the delivery and eagerly draped in on over some Neon 40s. I was hooked since it was something like a leotard (which I loved) but something more stylish and even something that could be worn in public.

Wolford on more Wolford was pure heaven!

Fast forward to today and I now admit I have a problem being hooked on Wolford. I collect them like bits of treasure… bodysuits, tights, skirts, arm thingies and (gulp) even shelled out for the most-coveted-of-all-time Fatal Neon tights. Now this may seem like an innocent affinity for just a brand of clothing. Hell, how many people wear only Nike or Adidas all the time? I’m quite sure even other crossdressers have their own preferences for their womanly garments.

Yet now I would have to consider it somewhat problematic for me given that…

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Sheery wearing an Oroblu bodysuit and Wolford Neon tights

I often times think about how my crossdressing has evolved over the years. Well, maybe even my whole life. More than two thirds of it, I’d say, I desperately tried all I could to keep it a secret. It was something I would do every now and then in private just to get my kicks and then get on with my day. I guess I thought of it back then as just some of my “weird” tendencies.

Yet back then, it was only about slipping into pantyhose which eventually led to slipping on lingerie along with it. I knew that only made me a male in women’s underwear since I surely didn’t look the part of anything female. It was enjoyable and satisfying nonetheless. Those “taboo” articles of clothing made it oh so alluring to drape it on my body and pretend I was female in some perverted sort of way. At least that was how I thought of it back then.

Today, however, my own crossdressing has evolved to a point where I couldn’t have imagined even ten years ago. No more am I the male pantyboy (or more like the resident pantyhoseboy). Instead I have incorporated more “girlyness” into my everyday lifestyle. For example, I shave all body hair (even my face!) and keep my fingernails and toenails perfectly trimmed with my toenails nearly almost always painted. Then there is that subtle dot of perfume that I like to put right over my deodorant in the morning.

I don’t exactly give myself away entirely as little miss me but I do absolutely enjoy giving away a hint of my feminine side whenever I can. And each day it is a little bit more than the last.

I am always left thinking, though, what will I be like ten years from now if I keep going in this direction?

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Capezio tights and strappy heels

I just got a new bustier yesterday which I happily slipped into and am prancing in at the moment on this dark, cold rainy day (no, not the picture above but I’ll have one soon!). It has quite a a lot  of padding giving me the illusion of having real boobs which I quite like. I would have liked to throw on a sweatshirt or something and take a stroll around on a sunny to see if anyone takes notice of my new “anatomy.”

But we have that rain thing… cancelled until further notice.

So I decide to spend my indoor-only day taking some transgender tests I found rather curiously online. Don’t ask why but I just decided it wasn’t worthwhile to do the usual fun chores of cleaning and laundry. You may call it doing a little soul searching or maybe you could say I just want someone (or in this case something) to tell me “hey, you’re quite the ladyboy there.”

After all, I do like a little feminine reassurance on occasion 😉

Keep in mind that, personally, I just take the following tests for what they are: Sunday comics. In other words, the results may tell you what you already know of your level of “trans” or maybe even offer insight if you don’t. These tests, however, don’t take into account the multi-faceted world of sexuality in 2015 and are not a definitive guide of where you sit on the totem pole of transvestism or transsexualism. So take them with a grain of salt my dear ladies.

COGIATI

I had previously written about the Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory and was curious about the result taking it a third time. I went from 108 to -75 to -133 which has me moving from Androgyne to the more masculine Feminine Male category. I was utterly offended since it has just been two weekends in a row where I shaved my legs, a first for me. Take that COGIATI, you bitch.

Have a go at the COGIATI

Gender Traits Test (A.K.A. The Bem Test)

I wouldn’t say it is quite as interesting as the COGIATI but it is a quick survey of varied characteristics and how you see yourself with each characteristic on a scale of 1 (never) to 7 (always). Definitely not high on the validity scale and kind of like being “diagnosed” by that cook at the IHOP.

Take the Bem Test (WARNING: you need some paper and a pen to add up scores)

Open Sex Role Inventory

Basically the above test or, as they put it:

This is an interactive version of the Open Sex Role Inventory, a measure of masculinity and femininity modelled on the Bem Sex Role Inventory.

You [sic] use of this assessment should be for educational or entertainment purposes only.

You see, interactive and for entertainment purposes. How can you go wrong?

Take the Open Sex Role Inventory

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid Quiz

This test is based on a study by Fritz Klein to test his theory that sexual orientation is a dynamic, multi-variable process. Klein believed that an individual’s sexual orientation was composed of sexual and non-sexual variables which differed over time. Personally, I find the theory quite fascinating (maybe fodder for a future blog post/discussion) and test results what I could have already guessed.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid Quiz

Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality Quiz

Considered an extension of the Klein quiz to measure sexual identity, I had a couple issues with it but, hell, took it anyway due to my topic interest. First, it’s not true/false but mark all answers that are true for yourself. This is very unlikely to reveal anything meaningful. Second, all the questions are long and fairly similar which will lead to a burnout midway through it.

That said, maybe you want one last “opinion.” Try out the quiz.

Crossdresser Sheery

Admit it. There have been days where you have looked back to see where your silky little fetishes began. “Stealing” your mother’s panties and/or pantyhose (shame on you) and getting high off of the shame that comes with inappropriately wearing garments of the opposite sex.

Yet, didn’t it all start innocently enough just happening to try on that bra or slip into those pantyhose just to see what it was like? Or even as a joke? Who are we kidding, you don’t just start a fetish. They develop as we experiment as little youngsters and notice our little cocks get off when we keep doing them. Oooh, dressing in my mom’s lingerie turns me on and I don’t know why the fuck that is, but I like it!

Surely, back then, you never even heard of the word fetish or knew that this would turn into a lifelong compulsion. For me, personally during my teenage years, I thought I could “turn off” my crossdressing since I could see it being an inconvenience when dating girls as I went off to college. I did, in fact, turn it off for about six weeks only to return to crossdressing with an extreme vigor. This happen to coincide with receiving a Victoria’s Secret catalog and my first credit card then buying exactly what Stephanie Seymour was modeling on page 20.

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Sheery in Wolford Neon pantyhose

I was on Twitter the other day (a more frequent occurence now) and had a look at a long lost tweet I had saved a while back…

https://twitter.com/WTFCrazyLaws/status/351320491564351489

I retweeted and saved it for a reason. I pondered in those very words a bit and I couldn’t help but to think that this was directed right at me. When you think about it, though, isn’t it directed at likely a majority of hot blooded crossdressers, transvestites and other “T’s” out there?

Yes, those of  you who can’t pry themselves from the mirror dreaming that you’re either some kind of pantyhose model goddess or high-priced glamour hooker whose phone won’t stop ringing (my hand raised too). I’m fairly confident there is a huge narcissistic component to our feminine alter-egos that probably just comes with the territory.

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Woman in Mirror
Image: Wikimedia

In the past, quite a few years ago, I remember the curiosity I had about my “problem” or my compulsion to crossdress in feminine pantyhose and lingerie. This was back in the days when the internet was in it’s infancy and you could actually start to find information on transvestism online.

Here was my primary self-diagnosis: transvestic fetishism, which is according to the DSM-IV (the psychologist’s bible)…

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