Crossdressers are Gay, Just Maybe
One thing I’ve always been curious about throughout my days of femme delight is whether crossdressing has the tendency to lead into homosexual relations, be it with a man or another crossdresser. Keep in mind, I neither care about putting a label on ourselves nor am I trying to prove true the ancient myth that crossdressers are gay.
It just so happens that, from personal experience, the crossdresser evolves into conforming more and more into, not only dressing the woman´s part, but acting out the part as well. It may be take form as going out in public in full dress or just meeting up with other CDs to have a meal.
Yet, since crossdressing is primarily a medium for sexual stimulation, this would also undergo an evolution over time to keep the stimulation at its peak. Much like the way, for example, a married couple might experiment with sex toys to keep their sex life new and interesting. Side note: this does work for crossdressers as well.
So, over time, the usual slipping on pantyhose, silky lingerie and maybe some heels and makeup would lose its appeal to repetitiveness and, ultimately, boredom. You could have a different silky outfit for every day of the year but wanking the poor little cock so many times, pretty much in the same fashion each time, might get you thinking, “Well, why don’t I wank someone else’s instead?” to make things a little more interesting.
Of course it doesn’t stop here. Maybe another fantasy overcomes you such as thoughts of another gorgeous crossdresser with a raging member using it to pierce the back of your pantyhose and penetrate you, then comes “inside” as the woman you are. OK, this is mine but maybe you get my point by now?
Unfortunately, there is quite little in the way of studies out there to determine whether crossdressing does lead to homosexual behavior or tendencies. I did, however, come across an interesting post on Crossdreamers about the Vernon Coleman study of crossdressers from 1995. It was done from a survey of 414 British crossdressers but here was the part I found quite interesting with one of the survey questions:
Have you ever had sex with another man?
82 respondents (20%) said ‘yes’
332 respondents (80%) said’no’Coleman adds:
“The incidence of any homosexual experience among transvestites (1 in 5) is slightly lower than the incidence of any homosexual experience among non transvestite heterosexuals (usually regarded as 1 in 3). Most of those transvestites who admitted to having had sex with another man said that their homosexual experiences were isolated. The incidence of genuine homosexuality and bisexuality among transvestites is considerably less than 1 in 5 and probably close to the normal figure for non transvestite males of between 5% and 10%.”
Of course, I would take this with a grain of salt since 414 British crossdressers are not representative of the whole of us. However, I would come to the conclusion that, factoring in possible margin of error, that maybe the incidence of homosexuality really isn’t different at all whether heterosexual or a crossdresser.
Here’s my theory though. I do fall under the umbrella that the incidence of homosexuality is higher for crossdressers due to latent homosexuality, or repressed homosexuality that doesn’t manifest itself into a conscious action (e.g. wanking someone else). While this depends on environmental factors from person to person and does not affect everyone, we’ll for arguments sake, say that all are subject to it at varying degrees of little to high.
So, while the typical heterosexual would most likely keep his latent homosexuality “buried” or even become the one out of three who experiments with sex with another man, this wouldn’t be the case for the crossdresser. The crossdresser, being aware of his own alternative sexual nature and, consequently that of the LGBT community, would become more open to homosexual behavior as his latent homosexuality manifests into a conscious one as he evolves in his crossdressing.
I might be going on a severe tangent here but take it for what it’s worth, no facts, no proof, just a bit of erotic philosophy. Hopefully, more research is done on the subject, to which I’d gladly volunteer. In the meantime, I await my luscious crossdresser poking at my ass through my pantyhose.
This is an interesting commentary, and I think it’s more complicated than what it might seem. Transgendered people are unique in many ways. Most of us do what we do because of some mixture of sexual (fetish) and gender identity issues. One thing that we all share is that we need to alter our appearance to achieve our goals. Sexually this makes us different than ordinary heterosexuals or homosexuals, whose sexual model is get naked and get it on. Since the most satisfying sex is with a partner who is turned on by the same things we are, another trans person is a logical choice of partner for us. Whenever you blur the gender lines you almost always blur the sexual preference lines. Those who have strong fetishes and seek partners seem more interested in finding someone who shares their fetish than worrying about the gay or straight thing. Those who have strong gender identity issues will often seek partners opposite to their adopted gender to reinforce their new gender identity. To make it even more complicated, there are many tgirls who are most attracted to other tgirls and have no attraction to non trans straight or gay men, and some who are attracted to men but not other tgirls. Many are definitely hetro and would never consider another male dressed or not. Women who are attracted to tgirls are definitely few and far between, while some may tolerate a BF or spouse doing some crossdressing, they usually draw the line at the bedroom door.
So are crossdressers destine to be involved in something that may be considered to be homosexual activities? If they want to have stimulating and satisfying sex with a partner who appreciates them for who they are…YES!
These of course are my own opinions and based on personal interaction while being out and active in the trans community.
Lisa
Hi Sheery!
Interesting article…I certainly identify with your thinking that cross-dressing evolves over a period of time to keep sexual stimulation at its peak, as this has been my experience too. Albeit, it has been a very uneven evolution, mainly due to the fact that I had huge guilt issues surrounding my pantyhose fetish, as well as doubts about my sexuality from being a young boy right through to relatively recently.
I think you are also right about the difficulty on gathering the statistics on whether cross-dressers develop into being exclusively gay. Cross-dressing is such a taboo thing to do amongst heterosexual males. Consequently I believe that many such men are very tight-lipped about discussing their fetish and maybe this is what makes gathering accurate stats very difficult.
One website which did help me tremendously a few years back regarding coming to terms with my sexual orientation, though not at all with cross-dressing, was a forum for bisexuals called shybi-guys.com.
A very common theme being posted on this forum was that many bisexual men are not particularly physically attracted to other men and also being able to fall in love with another man seemed to be beyond them too. However, the sexual act of having sex with another man was the driving factor for the homosexual component in their sexuality. Additionally, many of the married bisexuals stated they loved their wives dearly and were physically attracted to the opposite sex. Shame and fear were very common factors in coming out as a bisexual man too. I identify with this but I also have the added component of having a very strong pantyhose fetish in my sexuality. It has been a long and very difficult journey. From being a young boy until recently, I would go through the cycle of building a pantyhose collection and then when the guilt became too much, I would purge them. I also went for years with not wearing pantyhose at all, but the need to do it was always there, like a background noise.
Anyway, back to the forum, there were only two cross-dressers on there, and the majority of the bi-guys posting didn’t get the cross-dressers views/tastes at all. So much so, that one of the moderators actually ordered him to stop posting about his cross-dressing experiences as this was a forum for bisexual men! I found this attitude very rude, intolerant and actually it put me off. The website is deliberately strict so as to put men off who just want to use the forum as a sexual release. Quite admirable even if the moderators are over-enthusiastic in banning people and deleting posts….
In addition, my previous experiences in the gay community when I tried to identify with being gay, were that all of the gay men I spoke to really did not like cross-dressers at all. Indeed, gay men who dress up as women, i.e., drag queens, were derided. I also believe that drag queens (should I use the label transvestites??) derive no sexual stimulation from putting on women’s clothes; their agenda appears to be very different from ours 😉
All this makes me wonder whether being a bisexual cross-dresser is actually in reality quite a rare combination……
I am thankful to be happily married, but God forbid, if I became single again, I really would seek out a male partner with the same tastes as me. He would have to be bi and also share my fetish. Does this make me gay? No, it does not, I would still identify with being a bisexual with a pantyhose fetish because there is a large heterosexual component to my sexuality too; there always has been and always will be.
I am sorry for putting things in boxes and also going on, but your posts really help getting my thoughts down on paper!
Take care and my kindest regards,
M.
Something else that needs to be considered in this discussion is that there is a whole lot more to being gay than just having sex with someone of the same gender. Gay men desire to be in a relationship with a man not just have sex with him. Just as successful heterosexual relationships need to be based on more than sexual attraction alone, the same applies to homosexual relationships. The gay community has been struggling for years to get people to understand that being Gay is not defined just as sexual preference. It’s not uncommon for heterosexual men and women to enjoy sex with a same gender partner, but that’s all it is …sex. While it may be considered immoral by some, it is definitely possible to have satisfying sex with someone you have no emotional commitment with. True bisexuals are those who are comfortable being in a relationship with a person of either gender and not just a heterosexual person who sometimes enjoys sex with a same gender partner. Sex is serious business and while it can be an incredible experience, it can also have some serious long term consequences. We don’t need to be afraid of it but we do need to treat it with due respect. Most of the cultural taboos regarding sex exist to deter unprepared people from making potentially dangerous sexual choices and need not apply to someone who can make an informed and respectful decision about indulging in the joys and perils of sex.
Lisa
Hi Lisa T,
Couldn’t agree with you more, that’s exactly why it has taken me 34 years to come to terms with my multi-faceted sexuality and balancing what I am capable of emotionally as well as sexually. Trying to identify as being gay actually resulted in a suicide attempt at the end of 1996, as I ended up in no-man’s land…
Not trying to evoke sympathy here, but no-one, and I truly no-one can teach me to suck eggs on sexuality and relationships, gay or straight…been through too much and suffered too much…
Anyway, sorry for being heavy, but I do hope you are not trying to invalidate the way I am wired as to be quite honest I had a gut full of this type of talk from the gay community back then with their attitude to my disclosures as being not straight and ny cross-dressing..
I’m truly sorry that my last comment came off sounding like a sermon, that was definitely not my intent. It makes me very sad that so many in the trans community are so troubled by our difficulty fitting into established gender and sexual behavioral standards. I guess it’s just a very powerful part of human nature to need to feel that we fit in some way. I would just like to suggest that instead of making ourselves crazy and guilty we focus our energy on accepting and celebrating our uniqueness and finding ways to be happy with our lives just the way we are. We are unique but we are definitely not alone, and while we may not encounter others like us in our daily lives, we have the internet and sites like this one where we can support each other and share our passions. We also deserve to have stimulating and exciting sexual relationships even if we have to go outside the established norms to find them. As RuPaul so often says, ” If we can’t love ourselves, how in the hell are we going to love someone else?”!
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Please forgive me too for being overly sensitive and my retort in my last post..
You write many words of wisdom which I totally get…Thank you.
I wish you nothing but the best.
M.
I am a closet CD and about 3 yrs ago met with another CD and we exchanged oral as I did not enjoy it….currently I do have the desire to try it again with a more. ..fully dressed CD
My apologies for the very late response on what appears to be my most discussion-provoking post to date. I’ve been on vacation for a month and now I’m back!
Lisa, I couldn’t agree more that the issue of homosexuality and crossdressing is more complicated than we think, in part, because crossdressers have different experiences, emotions and even internal conflicts as a result of their crossdressing. In other words, what I’m trying to say doesn’t apply to all and, likely, not even to that “1 in 5” in the same way. It would, however, be an interesting study since it is a very grey area as far as we are concerned and even within the gay community.
PnP, Personally, I am comfortable with who I am as a crossdresser even though I am, for the most part, still in the closet. Therefore, this post was written with a more lighthearted approach to finding out more about who we are as crossdressers. Unfortunately, I didn’t take into consideration that others struggle (or have struggled) with their gender identity and an attempt at label ourselves could provoke a “Hey, wait a minute” response.
It’s quite obvious from this comment thread we have our own passionate views on crossdressing that stems from very different experiences. I’d like to think we’re all on the same side and, now that we know you a little better, you have our respect as well. I’m sure that Lisa T would agree.
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Thank you for your hot discussion here!
Hi Sheery, Welcome back! I hope you had a great vacation! I think you summed things up here very well; we are definitely all on the same side here even though our personal experiences may be different. I have nothing but the greatest respect for all my fellow crossdressers who struggle with gender identity and sexual preference issues… we are truly outcasts among outcasts! I was very fortunate to have been involved in an excellent transgender support group which included everyone from occasional fetish crossdressers to post-op transsexuals. It was a very life changing as well as life affirming experience for me to be able to interact in person with a wide spectrum of the transgendered community. I would recommend that if anyone has access to a similar group, they should give it a try.
Lisa