It’s that time of year, ho ho ho. Ok, whatever, another year of getting socks, candy and a couple of t-shirts. Woo hoo! Well, your crossdressing friend (wink wink) always has a few things on her wishlist when returning home for the holidays. I understand it is not always easy to shop for that little girly man but, take it from me, these suggestions can help…

10. A stocking for the other leg.

9. A free pass to go ahead and dress away in front of the whole family. No one can say a word or they get shot.

8. Your conservative, law-abiding, church-going and happily divorced uncle decided he won’t be making it this year.

7. A good time to repurpose that perfume gift set from last year that you didn’t like.

6. An official pardon form your sister for stealing all her shit from her closet.

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The author, Sheery, right after shopping

For about the last, oh, couple of decades, we’ve had the convenience of shopping online which means 1) Waking up in the morning (or drinking wine before bed) 2) Thought comes to your head to buy something (sexy) and 3) Browse around and eventually click the Purchase button, but then 4) Wait that day or two for that “special” package to come.

Particularly for the closet crossdresser, this is fairly standard procedure… easy, you get what you feel like you want and no one else needs to know or doesn’t care on the other end. I mean would you rather have to pick out your silky treasures in person and then get that side-eye from that real female taking your payment? There use to be that day when having to shop in person use to exist you know.

Wait, hold on, you can still shop in person?!! Lingerie, pantyhose… makeup too?

OK, I’m sure there are many crossdressers out there who do actually buy their femme gear in person which nowadays isn’t anything out of the ordinary. So I happened to be near a large department store last weekend and, knowing they have my favorite Wolford Neon 40 tights, decided to go in and “have a look around.” Now, truthfully, I usually have bought pantyhose in person every now and then (even lingerie when I was 16) because it always gave me a bit of an adrenaline rush. There was even one time when I was purchasing the aforementioned Wolford Neon 40 tights when the sweet cashier lady commented to me “Wow, you just went right to those quickly!”

Um, yeah, caught. I’m pretty sure I blushed as I handed her my credit card.

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Sheery relaxing in pantyhose

I finally did what many a crossdresser has done before me. Admittedly it was difficult but very much necessary. Not just for me but, my god, this should have been done more than a decade ago at least. Yes, I’m talking about the “purge” but not for the usual reasons a crossdresser would do this. No, it was a far different reason…

I had too much shit.

Now keep in mind, this isn’t to cast a shadow over the typical crossdresser purge. That is throwing away anything feminine linked to one’s crossdressing due to shame, anxiety or pressure from social norms to be “normal.” This can be a serious distress and a challenge to get over mentally. While I have never actually purged my collection before, the social pressures have taken a toll in the past and I can sympathize with that.

There were times, however, I have actually wanted to purge my pantyhose, etc. in the past but I was either afraid someone would catch me doing that or I realized that I had to get new femme gear if/when the urge came around again. Basically, I knew it wasn’t practical. Oh, and the shame after wanking one out of the park while in my skimpies was definitely a frequent occurrence in my early girly days.

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Sheery in bed and in Wolford head to  toe

It goes without saying that we as crossdressers have wild thoughts going through our minds, especially when relaxing, sipping wine and getting in the mood. Yes, our fantasies take us to uncharted waters, hold no boundaries and give us moments of that little adrenaline rush for what could be in complete ecstasy. OK, maybe we may get a good wank out of it. No boundaries remember.

Now I won’t speak for all crossdressers but I will say a good part will have one or more of these fantasies. You don’t have to admit it!

10. Wish a push-up bra worked for the belly.

9. Wish someone would say with a straight face that I’m the prettiest thing they ever saw.

8. … Or at least let me know I have a run in my pantyhose.

7. Be a normal man again, but with only a couple of feminine tendencies.

6. Wish there were an easier way of dealing with the “bulge”… or to be in fashion for actual women to have one.

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Sheery in Wolford Iris bodysuit and Neon 40 tights

I’ve noticed over the years that the more involved I am in my crossdressing, that is getting all the little woman-like details sorted out, the more I’ve come to appreciate it even more. There use to be a point in my life where I thought it was a curse (well, many points actually) but when I came upon the realization it will never go away, I guess I thought, What the hell, I might as well enjoy it while I’m alive.

The truth is I actually feel like it’s WAY more fun immersing myself in my own feminine world. Trying that new lipstick color, searching for those perfect heels (still), finding out my perfect wig color is dirty blonde or just enjoying that feeling of being all dolled up. I haven’t even gotten into the sexual kink out of it all either which, I might add, is also pretty awesome at this stage of the game.

Anyway, here is my list of things that enjoy most about crossdressing (in no particular order)…

Sensuality

It’s difficult to describe that feeling when I’m completely transformed into miss me. It is kind of a warmth all over sexiness knowing this could be dangerous. Maybe it is the combination of noticing the tightness of that miniskirt or that sweet smell of Chanel that also heightens and arouses the senses to an unbelievable degree. In any case, I like this and don’t want it to stop.

Escape

I hear and read about it all the time how crossdressing is used an escape from your real self and I can say that it is true. Life is hard and we all have our ups and downs, especially me, but getting into our alter-selves does really separate myself from the real world, even if just for a moment. It is honestly the only thing to make me forget about those Zoom meetings at work coming up in the next couple of hours. Um, yeah sorry, it looks like I’m having trouble with my camera here…

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Sheery posing in Wolford pantyhose

As I sit here right in my living room, I have just slipped on a pair of black Wolford Neon 40’s and then had thought that really made me stop and wonder. This beautifully sexy, silky garment is pretty much the basis for my entire life. Obviously it is something you know (I know you too!) but it is quite surprising to think of how it made me who I am.

I can remember vividly how it all started at five years old by falling in love with Mrs Rainwater and her navy blue pantyhose that she would wear with sandals. I think the real life shaping event, however, happened when my sister actually had a pair of navy blue knee highs at the time, which I stole from her that first time then eagerly wore them dreaming of “being” Mrs Rainwater. Little did I know the seed that this planted growing up!

Funny, though, I actually never really got into pantyhose until I was around 11 years old having worn knee highs up until then. But one day, I don’t know what got into me, but I was in a Circle K market and saw the rack of Legg’s pantyhose and just grabbed a pair of Sheer Energy in an Off Black color (yes, I do remember that first pair well) then brought it to the counter to buy. I remember the cashier saying “Don’t you hate it when your mom makes you buy these?” and I nodded in agreement (and reflief). Then I rushed home to get these on my legs. That would be the point where I never looked back.

My teenage years took a slight deviation, having to try out lingerie to accompany my legwear. This was probably the time where my crossdressing was in its infancy since I needed something more than pantyhose to satisfy me, yet while still enjoying them. I suppose there was a growing need to feel more girly and lingerie made me feel “better.” However, I only found it more as a compliment to pantyhose since I would never wore bras, pantys or other lingerie alone. In fact I exclusively wore lingerie with pantyhose but then I would wear pantyhose at any time, under pants or whenever and get myself off without anyone noticing.

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Omero Luxor 40 Pantyhose in Playa Nature

I happen to believe pantyhose are like fine wine and, coincidentally, treat them as so. Therefore, I have my “cellar” with dozens of pairs of Wolford, Oroblu, Pierre Mantoux… you name it. I even lucky to own a couple select pairs of Victorias Secret tights that could probably get a good price on eBay. But, no, those are for that special day I want my legs to feel extra glammy.

So when a new pantyhose comes around, I always have to try them to see if I should add a few “bottles” to the cellar, so to speak. Indeed, the Omero Luxor 40 pantyhose caught my eye since 1) They are from Italy, the center of premium pantyhose manufacturing and 2) They are nice and shiny, exactly my type. I bought a couple pairs and began the long anticipated wait to slip into them.

To my surprise, they were all the sexiness and then more than I expected. I’ve tried so many pairs of pantyhose that new ones most often don’t stand up to my favorites and end up being used for bank robberies (kidding). In other words, I usually set myself up for disappointment. After all, isn’t there a sometimes a new wine you try that makes you wince and nearly vomit?

Well, the Omero Luxor 40 does not fall into that category, rather, I would call it the fine wine, a very fine one at that. Immediately after opening the package in a Playa Nature shade, I could tell these were very high quality. So, I took an unprecedented step of putting the pantyhose right down (instead of excitedly slipping them on), going into the bathroom and shaving my legs, getting ready for what might be an orgasmic experience.

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Wolford pantyhose and string teddy

I quite simply love pantyhose. It’s hard, though, to love something so much and not have it change your life in some way, if maybe a little perverted. Yet perversion is lovely, fun and sexy thing to dwell in so here are my reasons why my life will never be the same with pantyhose. Well, besides the obvious really…

10. Three words: hand wash, ugh.

9. The razor for my legs is more expensive than the one for my face.

8. I say things now such as, “bare legs… ewww!”

7. I spend more on a pair of pantyhose than on a date.

6. Suntan has a whole new happier meaning now.

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Pantyhose over face
Image: Wormed of Horrors

Sure, we as crossdressers like to have our fun and our whole motto could arguably be summed up as “we do whatever the fuck we want, dressed as women.” While we surely do not live by a behavior code (or any kind of code, really), there are some things, however, we might want to pay some mind to. As in please, for the sake of our beloved crossdressing community, cut this shit out.

So without further ado, I present ten things crossdressers need to stop doing right this second.

10. Using the terms “passable,” “lesbian,” “slut” or “whore” to describe ourselves unless, of course, a vagina was recently installed.

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Conchita Wurst
Image: VIPevents

Unfortunately, I’m in one of those negative moods today. Enough so to make me hate everything… well almost. Slipping into some Wolford tights, however, just isn’t the same, seemingly lacking in joy of digging into my femme side to ease the bad vibes. I don’t think new heels could even cure my case of get the hell away from me today.

So, in honor of negative bullshit, I feel it is my duty to call out on the seven things I really hate as a crossdresser, not in any particular order. They all pretty much suck, er, I mean can go suck.

1. Hair, That Which is Not on Thy Head

Have you ever shaved all of your body hair? It is a fucking tedious process that takes a minimum of two hours. And don’t get me started if the Remington isn’t fully charged. Afterwards, though, is a bliss of silky smooth delight, sliding around on your sheets and your pantyhose not having to hold back the wild forage overgrowing your crotch.

Then a week later, back to hairy and hours trimming. Maybe this time, I’ll remember to charge the damn shaver.

We’re not even talking about the beard either. Not even Estee Lauder can hide that 5 o’ clock shadow when you doll yourself up. Oddly enough, some other Eurovision winning singers can pull it off with class. Just don’t let this become a trend though.

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